IWE (ANGER)
The Ills Of Domestic Violence
A Manuscript by FOLASAYO AWODUMILA
Our Traditional Wedding was the talk of town for weeks, Emeka was my dream come true, our Courtship Lasted for just six months, it was love at first sight between I and Emeka, my name is Efeture am an accountant and this is my story.
I met Emeka my husband at a friend's gathering two years ago; am quite shy and so he did all the toasting and chasing, Emeka seemed to me as a complete gentleman ( So I thought) he treated me nicely and I fell totally in love with him. Two months into our Courtship Emeka proposed I felt everything was happening too fast cause I wasn't really ready but I was so inlove that I cared less and accepted his proposal and within six months into our Courtship we were already preparing for our wedding.
One weekend i went to Emeka's place without informing him I was coming, I knocked on the door and he opened obviously he was surprised to see me, he asked why I didn't tell him I was coming over I told him I wanted to surprise him, I entered the sitting room, as I sat on a chair I noticed I sat on a picture, so I took it and I stared at a very pretty petite lady in the picture I asked Emeka who she was but he just shrugged and took the picture from me, after pestering him he told me the lady in the picture was his ex, truth be told I felt really insecure if that lady in the picture was his ex but he assured me it was over between them, my love for Emeka made me trust him and believe all he told me.
Few months into our wedding I took in and it was the happiest moments in our lives. Nine months after wards I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy, a replica of my husband Emeka; Emeka was the happiest man alive at that point, we had a little Beautiful family. As soon as our son clocked one, things started changing in our home, my once loving husband became my worst nightmare. Two years into our marriage things started changing, my husband comes home late, atimes he doesn't come home for days, one weekend I was cleaning our room, Emeka was downstairs, his phone was on the table in our room, suddenly I heard a message alert coming from his phone, I don't intrude into my husband's personal affairs but this particular day I was interested to know what has been taking my husband's attention from me, so I picked up the phone went through his messages, his Whatsapp messages and I was shocked, my husband has been cheating on me, no wonder the late nights and absence from home, the more annoying part is that the lady in question was his ex he spoke to me about not once or twice, in which I suspected he still had feelings for, cause prior to our wedding I overheard that his ex was getting married that particular month, I was still holding his phone when Emeka stormed in and started shouting on me that why am I with his phone before I could utter a word a dirty slap landed on my cheeks, that was the first time my husband ever raised his hand on me but it wasn't the last.
Emeka hit me at every slight argument we had, I became a punching bag to my husband, our marriage turned from sweet to sour, during one argument we had one afternoon he mentioned that he never really loved me that he just settled for me when the woman he truly loves was getting married to someone else and that the whole wedding and all was just to spite his ex, those words pierced into my heart and instantly I became a shadow of myself.
Another day I was beaten to stupor by Emeka, I landed in the hospital, my son was with our neighbor, for four days that I was admitted at the hospital, Emeka never came to check on me or on our son, in the fifth day I was discharged and was taken home by our neighbor. Ronke our neighbors wife advised me to leave this man before he kills me, but I told her I have no where to go to, it's forbidden where I come from to resort back to your parents house after marriage.
Emeka didn't come home for two weeks, all I heard is that he is now living in a rented house at Lekki with his ex, he came home one evening and all he did was head straight to the room to pack his things, I knelt down to beg him to please forgive me and come back home, he ignored all my pleas, as he headed for the door I held on to his legs with tears in my eyes begging Emeka to Stay, he shoved me aside and left I and his son.
I became extremely depressed, alone, I felt like a neglected Clay and a used tool, where do I start from, where do I go, how do I take care of my son alone, everything seems too much to bear and so out of frustration I ended my life but before doing so kindly share my story as I pen it down.
What is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE :
Domestic Violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic Violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or Psychological actions or Threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behavior that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure or wound someone.
Many people are becoming acutely aware of the Ills of domestic violence, Domestic Violence does not discriminate. It takes the opportunity to damage all families who suffers from it's wrath. Many are now familiar with the cycle of violence and the terms " anger phase " "cooling off period" and "honeymoon phase". Theses three stages are common in an abusive relationship many statistics are available to tell us that it is common for a victim to suffer abuse seven times before they call for help.
However, in domestic violence cases, there are many statistics that cannot be calculated. When we stop the cycle by intervention, education, counseling, protective orders, incarceration or placing the Victims in a shelter, we never know how many of those cases would have resulted in a domestic violence homicide. We never know if we have prevented the next murder suicide where the offender also takes his/her own life. We never know if the intervention prevented the offender from killing the children.
Once you start noticing traces of domestic Violence in your home or relationship please seek Counseling and I would always advise separation for a while till things get normalised so that either of the party doesn't hurt themselves to death.
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