100 Reasons why you should stay married

     100 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD STAY MARRIED

  

 A MANUSCRIPT BY

FOLASAYO AWODUMILA

INTRODUCTION

Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. (Eph 5:21–33 NRSV)

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Maldives was the perfect place for our honeymoon, we had the best time of our lives, sleeping in a five star hotel, and dining by the pool side was a dream come true for me, Akintola and I met at one of my friends wedding, would I call it love at first sight cause immediately I sighted Akintola I knew this was the man for me.

My name is Adetola Williams and I got married to the best man on earth Akintola Williams barely two days ago, after our wedding we took off to Maldives where we had our honeymoon, life was good, Akintola was an astute business man, he spoilt me with money, there's nothing I ask of him that he wouldn't do for me, blessed was my middle name

We lived very comfortably, Akintola opened a boutique for me and I began my business in clothing, it went on so well certainly with the support of my husband, I travelled often to get the lastest wares to sell, Within five years of our marriage we had two lovely kids, our marriage was beautiful, life was beautiful.

Two years down the line, the incumbent governments policy didn't favour Akintolas business, and so his business saw a major setback, he struggled to put things back together but he ended up wasting the little money he has saved in his bank account. Things became rather difficult for us coupled with the fact that we now have 3 kids to cater for, I was fortunate to speak with my dad, who got me a job cause my boutique business was also affected as I couldn't travel to do shopping like before again.

I got a good job that paid me handsomely well, I became the breadwinner in my home, Akintola still remained the caring and loving man I married, although sometimes we do have our differences but I had decided to stay committed to my marriage and to this man I married.

As the years went by I started to change towards my husband cause I felt the burden was too much on me alone, I nagged more but Akintola surprisingly still remained very caring, I wasn't angry at my husband persay but I was just stressed out.

The whole thing started weighing me down and it even affected me at work, I couldn't concentrate, I lost focus most of the time trying to figure out what to do, alas I was able to speak with a Marriage Therapist.

When I spoke with the therapist, the first thing he made me realize was that things can get better, improvement won't happen magically of course, but when we are intentional about changing our attitude things might level up a bit.

The old idiom " Familiarity breeds contempt" has been around a long time because it's true, the longer we are with someone, the more opportunities we have to see their good parts and their bad parts. So it's only natural that the man you see more than anyone else will get on your nerves the therapist had told me during one of my sessions with him, he explained to me that everyday, find something to be grateful for about your husband, you might have to look hard at times, but trying to be conscious of his good traits will help the small annoyances seem less important. He said studies show that most couples who stay together are glad they did.

This doesn’t mean your problems aren’t valid, but sometimes it helps if we put our husband’s shortcomings aside and decide to make our marriage work cause the truth is everyone has their shortcomings no one is perfect, Marriages can go through rough patches—money trouble, a sick child, job stress, but all these things can be handled well if the two parties are willing to work together.

When couples stay together in marriage it helps the kids,Who would give his life for your child? And who thinks your kids are absolutely the most wonderful children on earth? You and your husband share a love for your children that benefits your kids tremendously.

 A recent study found that children are not equipped to handle the upheaval of living in two places. The researchers concluded, “Parents’ separation and living in two homes can be stressful for children. Children felt torn between their feelings of loyalty toward their parents and their longing for calm and stability in their everyday life.”

The hot and heavy romance of early dating days may never return, but you can learn and practice the ways couples stay in love. In turn, this will help you and your husband feel cherished and make your marriage viable.

Our children need to see us work through life’s challenges. By working on our marriage, we can show our children the healthy way to communicate; the process of working through problems; and the place forgiveness holds in relationships.

Being a single parent is not an easy thing, before you decide to leave your marriage, look at the logistics of your life and how those demands would work in a divorced family. Divorce affects not only children but adults too. Consider how single parenting would affect you and your children.

I finished my session with the Therapist that day and I headed home, I was determined henceforth to make my marriage work regardless of all that is happening, I got home and I met the whole house scattered, this always gets on my nerves, and this is one of the main issues I had in my against my husband, I didn't have any house help, it's just I, my husband and the kids, but I assumed since Akintola was always home, he can at least keep an eye on the kids, once they are back from school, but all he does is just watch Tv all day assisting with nothing. I got angry when I got home but decided to look away, I dropped off my bag in the room and tidied up the whole house before heading to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

After the dinner that night, I had a little chat with Akintola, I told him my mind that he should at least help with the chores around the house, I was careful with my words not to get him angry, cause the Therapist had told me earlier that for the things that are a big deal, don't brood about them in silence, your husband can't change unless you give him the courtesy of telling him what's bothering you, start by telling him how you feel and be careful not to begin by pointing a finger at him.

I was glad we had a decent conversation that night, without arguments, the next day I explained everything to the Therapist while having my session with him, he told me to recognize my own shortcomings, everyone has quirks and tendencies that can be annoying. We all also have areas of struggles, when you are tempted to zero in your husband's shortcomings, try to be aware of your own, think about how he cuts you slack and thus return the favour.

The Therapist explained further that i should never compare my husband to other men, cause once I start doing that, I tend to put him into people I don't like column, not many husbands, or wives can withstand the scrutiny of comparison, and what you see on social or the occasional double date with another couple is not the whole person.

Finally he advised I choose love, ok maybe you are in a strong " I don't like my husband" phase, when you are stuck here, try the "act as if" method, act like you like him, choose to love him via your actions, be kind to him, at the very least, because he's a person who is probably doing the best he can, lovingly help him in his role as a husband and father. If you do choose to approach him about the reasons why you don't like him, do it lovingly, as I stood up to leave, the Therapist told me he wanted to give me an assignment, assignment I repeated what he said and he nodded his head and smiled, he said before our next Session, I should list 100 reasons why I should stay married, as I drove home I kept wandering how I would come up with 100 reasons to stay married, so after dinner that night, I picked up my pen and started writing.

1. You have the opportunity to spend forever with the love of your life.

2.Suddenly, there is someone in your life who makes you really and genuinely want to be a better person.

3. If you buy something yummy, you can have fun feeding it to each other.

4. You end up with twice as much awesome stuff in your house to enjoy.

5. You can work on projects, arts and crafts together.

6. You don’t have to watch movies at the theater all by yourself.

7. You suddenly have an excuse to move to a bigger place.

8. You have a reason to eat healthier.

9. You have a reason to spend your nights doing something other than surfing for porn.

10. You don’t have to be bitter about Valentine’s Day anymore.

11. Your family gets bigger.

12. You have someone to take road trips with.

13. You have someone to explore the world with.

14. You have a reason to keep from letting your messes get out of control.

15. You have someone to share your dreams and fantasies with.

16. You can listen to each other’s problems and help each other through them.

17. You have someone else to consider before you make any rash, crazy or destructive decisions.

18. You have someone to enjoy your music with.

19. Nothing cures headaches like a good orgasm.

20. There are religious benefits, if you’re into that sort of thing.

21. The group of friends you hang out with gets bigger (even if just by one person!)

22. Suddenly, you have someone who will share a pizza with you at 3 a.m.

23. You can have a beer with someone other than your friends.

24. Your friends don’t have to listen to your complaints about being single anymore.

25. You have someone to read with (or to!).

26. You have someone who will catch you if you fall.

27. You can learn to compromise.

28. You can learn to listen and be understanding.

29. You have an excuse to write love poetry (and leave it for your partner to find.)

30. You have someone you can kiss until the sun rises (and wait up for the dawn with).

31. You have someone to talk about your past with.

32. You don’t have to sleep alone (or cuddle your pillow).

33. You can teach each other things (other than just patience).

34. You don’t have to self-shoot your profile pictures anymore.

35. That whole “just friends with benefits” thing? Yeah, never worked for me.

36. You don’t have to go out or pay for massages anymore.

37. Suddenly you can get hugs pretty much whenever you need them.

38. You don’t have to worry about being called a cat lady (or a terminal bachelor!).

39. You have an excuse to cook something more healthy (and more substantial) than just a frozen burrito.

40. You have someone to celebrate your successes with.

41. You have someone rooting for you to succeed.

42. You have someone to stand by you during the hard times.

43. Suddenly you have someone other than your pet who you get to buy surprises for.

44. You have an excuse to keep yourself in shape.

45. Married people are happier on average anyway.

46. You don’t have to go into adult shops alone (or feel creepy doing it)

47. You have someone to share a nice, romantic candle-lit bath with.

48. There are no problems, only solutions.

49. You don’t have to keep your deepest secrets bottled up inside anymore.

50. You have someone (besides your mom) to make stuff for.

51. You don’t have to travel alone anymore.

52. Someone besides you actually cares how your day went.

53. You have someone to dance with.

54. Together, you can do anything.

55. Romantic songs start to make you happy (instead of sad or angry).

56. You have someone to hold (or who will hold you) when things get really hard.

57. You have someone to protect (or who will protect you) when faced with danger.

58. You have somewhere else to be (when you can’t wait to get out of some situation or another).

59. You get an awesome excuse to wear an awesome ring.

60. You have an excuse to celebrate holidays even when your family isn’t anywhere nearby.

61. You have an excuse to create new traditions.

62. If you learn a new language together, you have someone to practice it with.

63. You have someone you can be silly with who won’t judge you for it.

64. You have an excuse to be a lady (or a gentleman).

65. You can do cute things (like calling a radio station you know your partner is listening to and dedicate a song to them).

66. You have someone else’s hair to play with other than your own.

67. You have a good reason to stay positive and not be a downer.

68. You have an excuse to wake someone up with kisses.

67. You have someone to remind you of all the things you have to be grateful for.

68. You have someone you can be yourself around (instead of feeling like you always have to fit in).

69. You have someone else who believes in your dreams and your ability to succeed.

70. You don’t have to brave the dating scene anymore (or risk ending up in a relationship with someone who is totally nuts!).

71. You can throw away that tattered memo on your desk that says “Stay strong! Stay single as long as you can!”

72. You have someone who is willing to wash your back for you.

73. A good relationship is like a cushion of air that lifts you up and keeps you flying all day long.

74. You can live all the really juicy (and dangerous) stories vicariously through your single friends instead of firsthand.

75. Any children you have will have more than one person to take care of them (and for them to look up to).

76. You have someone you can be eccentric or artistic with.

77. Say goodbye to heartache, dumping, and being dumped.

78. Love is a powerful armor for your self-esteem.

79. You have two brains full of knowledge to draw from in a given situation (instead of just one).

80. You have an excuse not to spend your whole life working.

81. You have someone to come home to (or who can come home to you).

82. Happy people (i.e. people in good relationships!) are less likely to spend all their money on things they don’t need.

83. It gives your grandparents something grand to be happy about.

84. Telling someone you want to spend your life with them (and them alone) is a powerful way to say “I love you.”

85. You don’t have to clean alone.

86. It’s easier to spot cool things in stores—two sets of eyes!

87. Suddenly there is someone (other than your mom) who appreciates your art.

88. You get the wonderful boost of a kiss on the way out the door.

89. You have someone to call you on it (or warn you) when you make a bad judgement.

90. You have someone to try new foods with (and cook with!).

91. You get to take time off from work for your honeymoon.

92. Happiness is infectious.

93. You get to enjoy the small things, like watching how your partner dresses themselves.

94. You can experience the wonderful dualism of a partnership.

95. It is easier to see your own shortcomings through the eyes of another.

96. Suddenly, you have a reason not to walk away from it all.

97. If your work schedules are different, there’s almost always someone home (and that makes for a safer house!).

98. You can make it romantic and get remarried over and over again.

99. You have a constant companion who you can walk with, run with and enjoy life with.

100. Suddenly you have proof that happy endings really do happen (and they’re just the beginning!).

It took me two days to come up with the 100 reasons and so I gave it to the Therapist during our final session together, he went through it and told me to always read it morning and night, anytime I feel overwhelmed he told me to just pick it up and read it, with that I would find reasons to stay married and committed to my husband, he said those points would guard me on my marriage journey.

Having a healthy marriage is not as simple as just wishing it into existence, it takes hard work and dedication by all parties involved, and a whole heck of a lot of luck, but your marriage doesn't have to be a chore, it can be a blast too depending on how much hardwork you put into it. Regular date nights for couples is very important, A we- before- Me approach to marriage builds a happy marriage, putting Christ in the centre of your home is very important.

Never humiliate or put down your spouse before others, build him or her up, consider the wishes and desire of your spouse, always make kissing an habit, respect each other's need for space, pray together, treat your marriage vows with respect, don't be afraid to talk things out, it's better to express yourselves than to bottle things up and lastly love your spouse regardless.